


What you fear the most

by Felinafullstop



Series: Survivors of Paradesh [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 04:04:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6549964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felinafullstop/pseuds/Felinafullstop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zaeed and Kaidan have a conversation on top of the Normandy as she sits crash landed on a planet. POST ME3 - Zaeed onboard. </p><p>Based on a prompt generator that gave me Zaeed, and Kaiden and the subject "The thing your fear the most."</p>
            </blockquote>





	What you fear the most

**Author's Note:**

> “Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.”  
> ― C. JoyBell C.

 

            The war had been won, they all hoped. The relays had been destroyed, and the Normandy remained down on the planet she had crashed upon. EDI was no more, her platform dead, and they only guessed that all Artificial life had been taken in the same manner. Garrus had laid her platform out on a table in the mess, and crew had started to cover her in flowers from the planet. Tali hadn't survived long. The Quarian's helmet had shattered in the impact of the crash.

Tali and Garrus couldn't fix her helmet, she'd been exposed to too much. When she learned the dextro rations were low, she stopped eating: knowing Garrus would need it, knowing she would die of infection.

Garrus had sat with her, holding her ungloved hand in his own. He knew how she felt about him. He couldn't turn away then, even knowing his feelings for Shepard. He waited with her, because it was what Shepard would have done. Waiting until she told him she loved him and slipped away into the realm of the spirits.

Garrus had spent five hours in a sort of mourning. He'd bowed his head and prayed to the spirits. For Tali, and Shepard, until Chakwas insisted they needed to put Tali's body somewhere safer. Agreeing Garrus had released her body to them to be placed in a food storage crate until other arrangements could be made. 

            Everyone with a Levo diet hunted for food, water, and other staples of life. At the moment they were surviving, with no way of knowing what was going on in the world around them. Fruits and water had become a daily thing. 

            Garrus was trying hard to stretch his rations, but they knew the Turian was going to starve if they didn’t get off this planet soon or find an alternative for him. Tali's death was taken hard, and he had taken to a bed in the medical bay and hadn't much moved since. He did appear every day during the one meal to sit with everyone: he called it solidarity. He spoke openly about his feelings for Shepard with Zaeed, Steve, and Kaidan, feeling he would die soon, and not wanting to take that to the grave, if by some miracle Shepard survived. 

            Kaidan sat on top of the Normandy’s outer hull, legs dangling into Shepard’s quarters through the broken skylight of Shepard's cabin.

            “Mind if I join ya?” Zaeed asked as he slid up without a response and sat down. “Beer?” He extended one of two bottles. They had very few of these left but Zaeed hoped it would be a non-issue. Just get the kid to talk about something.

            “Sure.” Kaidan took it and looked at it in his hands. “Thanks.”

            “We didn’t see you in the mess.” Zaeed said softly. "Not like you to ignore a meal." Concern.

            “I wasn’t hungry.” Kaidan said to him.

            “Don't have to lie to me kid.” Zaeed said knowingly. “But I understand.”

            “I can’t do that anymore.” He shook his head pointing downward in the direction of the mess hall. “I mean Garrus is …he’s not got long if we keep on this course.” Kaidan rolled the bottle over in his hand and began to peel away the label. "I cannot sit there and eat while he watches hungrily."

            “Yeah we’re giving him some of the starchy rations. Mashing crackers up in water, goddamn sugar cubes too. Chakwas said it bloody might help.” He shrugs. “Water and bread he can metabolize, sugar is dextro just gotta find some God Damned things for him other than that.”

            “I’m tired of watching people die. EDI, Tali-” He didn't say Shepard's name. “I just can’t do it anymore. You know?” He admitted low.

            “Afraid of it?” Zaeed asked as he took a drink of his own beer. “I can understand.” He nodded.

            “I don’t know if I’d say afraid.” Kaidan fixed his eyes on the hull thinking. “It’s just hard.” He continued after a long pause. “We’re effectively cut off from everything.” He shook his head. “H’s out there, God knows if he’s alive or dead. I don't even know how Garrus is keeping himself together.” He shook his head hand snaking up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Sorry."

            Zaeed put a hand on his shoulder and shook him a few times. “Let it go.” His hand fell away. "We don't know anything yet."

            “That’s not that easy.” Kaidan said pushing his arm away. “We’re stuck here, one of us will starve to death, and so will we eventually.” He ran a hand through his dark hair. “Maybe I am afraid.” He settled on finally.

            “Huh.” Zaeed’s jaw twisted slightly as he thought on that admission. Pretty big stuff for Kaidan to admit, Zaeed knows.

            “What?” The younger man shook his head. “What are you afraid of?” Turning the tables was not something Zaeed expected but he wasn't unprepared.

            “Nothing anymore.” Zaeed took a drink as if to keep the subject there.

            “Nothing?” Kaidan said.

            “Anymore.” Zaeed supplied again, but after a sigh, he continued. “The thing I feared the most already happened. There’s a reason my rifle is named Jessie.” He said with a nod and took a long draw from his bottle. “I already lost her. I live with no fear now.” He said leaning down over his knees, legs kicking in the massive hole in the ship.

            “Must be nice.” Kaidan spoke softly. “I mean the no fear part.” He attempted to clarify. "Must take the weight off."

            “It is, it does.” Zaeed said softly letting any misunderstanding drop. “You just gotta bloody accept some shit.” He explained. “Accept you’re alive because of Shepard, accept that Garrus might not make it, but we’ll do our best to keep him going.” He waved a hand. “Accept EDI is fucking gone. Accept Tali couldn't be saved.” He motioned a hand in lieu of saying more. “You do what you can with what life gives you. The only thing that needs answering is if the reapers are gone-”

            “Joker to Kaidan.” Joker’s voice broke over the shortwave radio on Kaidan’s hip interrupting Zaeed, who just took a drink of his beer to listen.

            Pulling the radio free Kaidan pressed the comm button. “What is it Joker?”

            “You’re not going to believe this…there’s a Turian cruiser in orbit.” He said with excitement over the comm. “And they’re sending a shuttle to help with repairs.”

            “Food for Garrus?” Kaiden's eyes meet Zaeeds and they both stand to move to the rear of the ship where they can crawl down to the main deck.

            “Their doctor is coming down in the shuttle with it. Steve is standing by to receive the supplies.” Joker sounded pleased. “We might get off this planet.” Now relief. 

            “Let's hope so, I want all hands on deck and tell Garrus to stay in bed, we’ll bring them to him.” He returned the radio to his hip.

"Aye." and Joker was out. 

            “What’d I tell you Alenko? You do what you can with what life gives you.” Zaeed said smugly as they reached the hatch, he held back allowing Kaidan to go first. 

            “It just gave us Turians.” Kaidan smiled at him as he grabbed the rails to climb down..

            “Thank the fucking Gods.” Zaeed moved to climb down the hatch behind him. "For small Goddam Miracles."

* * *

 

The end


End file.
